Sweet potato fries

I am stressed out. We're in the middle end of refinancing our house (it should have been easy, but kind of isn't) and speaking of the house, it's in total upheaval because we recently discovered that we actually have hardwood floors (which is yay), but it means that we're living like college dorm roomies with all of our shit crammed into the back rooms and our bed in the living room. It took one week and Angie, Greg, Melissa and Tawnya to scrape a butt load of paint off of our floors. Yes, some butthole painted the walls and kitchen cabinets without putting down a tarp...on our living room and bedroom floors.
Pulling up carpet is really a process of mystery. Anyway, I'm happy about the floors - it already smells %15 less like a pet store in our house and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and the potential this new discovery brings for our home. For one it means I actually like it again. Me and the house are like "back together," I'm just not ready for tongue kissing or sex yet.
In other news...I can't stop breaking out. My hormones are total bitches. It doesn't help that our loan is in limbo and has been for a little too long to feel completely comfortable, our house is in shambles and no matter what I do, I keep getting fatter. Hooray. I ordered some hippie lotion products from Canada that I'm hoping will help make my skin "not disgusting" again. It hasn't come yet - but, I will provide you with full reviews once I've tried it. I'm using a standby lotion right now and it's turning the greasy parts of my face even greasier and the flaky dry patches are flakier. Thanks fuckers.
Work is also - well, I can't really talk about it, but trust me when I say I've got to get out of that place. The powers that be keep dangling false carrots and acting like they respect me and some of my co-workers and have us in mind for bigger things - but their words and their deeds? They don't be matching. It's so frustrating not knowing how long I should hold out before telling them to eat my dog's shits. Ya know what I'm spraying?
Other than all that - life is pretty good. Ha! No really. I have really great friends (new and old) and I've made a commitment to start walking/exercising every day and I think that's helped my self-esteem a bit. Yeah, also Lars is analyzing (like really seriously) an episode of Prince of Tennis right now and it's really the most darling thing in the universe.

Sudden-Asshole Syndrome

After much admonishment from friends and family I am actually “writing” a blog. Whoopty-doo. I’ve been coming down with some sort of bizarre cold that makes me feel like shite one second and completely fine the next so I never know from moment to moment how I’m going to feel. I can feel the mucous man in his wife-beater setting up shop in my lungs and thanks to that vile Mucinex commercial I have that very vivid imagery in brain.

In addition to being slightly ill I’ve also been “slightly” depressed. I’m starting to wonder if getting off of birth control was really the best idea. I’ve been fairly moody of late, to say nothing of my laziness, fatness or general all around mannishness. I’m seriously checking my face every day for any trace signs of appearing masculinity. Hormone imbalances are real y’all and I don’t want to take any chances. The other day I was certain that my shoulders were beginning to look positively line-backer-ish….and the mustache – well, I don’t want to talk about it. Mustache, weight-gain, zits and depression aside I feel I’m doing pretty fucking awesome.

My depression could also be chalked up to the shooting last week at Salt Lake’s Trolley Square mall. Trolley is mere blocks away from my home and I have spent many hours inside and out. I have a’ gazillion brilliant memories in that place and I’m struggling with the idea that something so horrific took place there. I would like to respectfully move on but having to write about it for New West is definitely taking its toll. I haven’t written anything in depth at all yet because the simple robo-tron-AP-wire-type things I have posted have already drawn a disturbing and hideous crowd. If you wonder at all if racism and religious bigotry still exist, just take a gander at the comment section of any stories about this shooting. Some of the rhetoric spewed within has made me literally sick to my stomach. Some want to know why the media isn’t reporting that Sulejman Talovic (the killer) was Muslim – which, okay if it weren't reported, how would they know it in the first place? They claim that the mainstream=liberal media dropped the story after his religion was revealed. I would argue that the mainstream media dropped the story because Talovic has not, as of yet been named as another potential father of Anna-Nicole’s baby. Others want to know why we won’t just call the shooting either a case of “Sudden-Jihad Syndrome” or Islamo-terrorism. Could be the lack of proof of such motivations, but I’m just guessing. They want to know why I won’t just acknowledge that we are “at war with Muslims.” One guy even – and I shit not- asked me if I had forgotten 9/11. The fuck? Look, if anything - the kid suffered from a case of Sudden-Asshole Syndrome - which is a real syndrome because I have a blog and I say so. At any rate, I’m tired of thinking about it and/or feeling like I have to answer to the questions of non-Utahn political fuckwads when I’m still trying to get the images of my dead neighbors out of my head.

Wow – that actually made me feel better. See, I can’t call them fuckwads over on New West I have to play nice and pretend their opinions aren’t disgusting. See, I should blog more on my own blog.

One last thing, because now that you’ve got me going and it’s 1:50 in the morning…I recently found this awesome piece by the late-great Molly Ivins. It’s her take on Camille Paglia’s Sexual Personae and it fucking rules. I want to be her when I grow up or at least I'd like to have her ghost sit on my shoulder like a guardian angel…like a muse and give me the strength and the balls to say what I’d really like to say all of the time.