Sudden-Asshole Syndrome
After much admonishment from friends and family I am actually “writing” a blog. Whoopty-doo. I’ve been coming down with some sort of bizarre cold that makes me feel like shite one second and completely fine the next so I never know from moment to moment how I’m going to feel. I can feel the mucous man in his wife-beater setting up shop in my lungs and thanks to that vile Mucinex commercial I have that very vivid imagery in brain.
In addition to being slightly ill I’ve also been “slightly” depressed. I’m starting to wonder if getting off of birth control was really the best idea. I’ve been fairly moody of late, to say nothing of my laziness, fatness or general all around mannishness. I’m seriously checking my face every day for any trace signs of appearing masculinity. Hormone imbalances are real y’all and I don’t want to take any chances. The other day I was certain that my shoulders were beginning to look positively line-backer-ish….and the mustache – well, I don’t want to talk about it. Mustache, weight-gain, zits and depression aside I feel I’m doing pretty fucking awesome.
My depression could also be chalked up to the shooting last week at Salt Lake’s Trolley Square mall. Trolley is mere blocks away from my home and I have spent many hours inside and out. I have a’ gazillion brilliant memories in that place and I’m struggling with the idea that something so horrific took place there. I would like to respectfully move on but having to write about it for New West is definitely taking its toll. I haven’t written anything in depth at all yet because the simple robo-tron-AP-wire-type things I have posted have already drawn a disturbing and hideous crowd. If you wonder at all if racism and religious bigotry still exist, just take a gander at the comment section of any stories about this shooting. Some of the rhetoric spewed within has made me literally sick to my stomach. Some want to know why the media isn’t reporting that Sulejman Talovic (the killer) was Muslim – which, okay if it weren't reported, how would they know it in the first place? They claim that the mainstream=liberal media dropped the story after his religion was revealed. I would argue that the mainstream media dropped the story because Talovic has not, as of yet been named as another potential father of Anna-Nicole’s baby. Others want to know why we won’t just call the shooting either a case of “Sudden-Jihad Syndrome” or Islamo-terrorism. Could be the lack of proof of such motivations, but I’m just guessing. They want to know why I won’t just acknowledge that we are “at war with Muslims.” One guy even – and I shit not- asked me if I had forgotten 9/11. The fuck? Look, if anything - the kid suffered from a case of Sudden-Asshole Syndrome - which is a real syndrome because I have a blog and I say so. At any rate, I’m tired of thinking about it and/or feeling like I have to answer to the questions of non-Utahn political fuckwads when I’m still trying to get the images of my dead neighbors out of my head.
Wow – that actually made me feel better. See, I can’t call them fuckwads over on New West I have to play nice and pretend their opinions aren’t disgusting. See, I should blog more on my own blog.
One last thing, because now that you’ve got me going and it’s 1:50 in the morning…I recently found this awesome piece by the late-great Molly Ivins. It’s her take on Camille Paglia’s Sexual Personae and it fucking rules. I want to be her when I grow up or at least I'd like to have her ghost sit on my shoulder like a guardian angel…like a muse and give me the strength and the balls to say what I’d really like to say all of the time.
