Friday, September 30, 2005

While I'm bitching about t.v. (An open letter to ABC)

ABC's new show called INVASION sucks a great big ol' a-hole. I'm not going to be the most fair judge here because I happened to grow up in the town in which the whole stupid suckfest is set; Homestead, Florida.
But, ya know, I like aliens and that Christopher Walken guy just as much as the next guy but...I just can't fucking hang. Here are my list of complaints.

1. The entire cast is filled with honkeys. Look, when I graduated from Homestead Sr. High 13 years ago, in 1992...white kids were the minority. After hurricane Andrew and the closure of Homestead Air force base the town's ethnic ratio tipped even further to where close to 90% of the population is considered a "minority." Now, I'm not asking for much, but when a television show is set in an actual town, you would think they would try just a little to stay true to that town. I mean, to have an entirely white cast in any setting these days seems racist and ignorant...but, even more so in this specific circumstance. In the two episodes that I've seen there have only been two walk-on African American characters and while the main "park ranger" guy can speak spanish and might possibly be Cuban, he looks like the biggest honkey and has no accent whatsoever.

2. The fucking landscape couldn't look less like Florida much less Homestead or any of the surrounding towns. Homestead isn't a fucking back-woods, hillbilly swamp (well, most of it isn't). There are stores and shopping facilities and lots and lots of houses. In the last episode Larkin (one of the dumbest character names ever) drives to Cutler Ridge (a pretty heavily populated area in real life...with like a big old 80's mall and everything) and it looks like she just drove to Deliverance-town to pick up Ned Beatty and Burt Reynolds. It's so fucking irritating. It's like they're just picking names of towns off of a map without any actual knowledge of the place. Gah!

3. In the pilot, immediately following the "hurricane" all of the main (and white) characters could just drive all over the place...back and forth over downed power lines and trees I'm assuming.

4. There's no tension. We already know that Christopher Walken-guy is an alien and that he's turned the kid's mom into an alien. All of the white hats and black hats are so obvious. Where's the fun in that? You don't have to figure anything out.

5. I do have a theory that the aliens turned everyone in town white during the hurricane...that would actually be a good twist, I should write ABC directly.

6. Homestead "hospital?" ....whatever. So, this town without stores or street lights has a hospital, huh? When Miami has like 15 hospitals just 20 minutes away? ....okay.


Katie your sista said...

right on i watched that show the other night and i was completely flabergasted. if that is how Homestead really looked then i would have to have taken an airboat to school!! if they wanted to be kinda realistic say these morons lived in the everglades in stilt homes i know there are there i've stayed in one!! "MORONS WHY AM I SURROUNDED BY MORONS"

Tracy said...


What a bunch of peeners.