Ridin' away on a crimson wave

I'm on my period and my thighs are sore from doing 8 loads of laundry and weeding the flower bed.
You know how they say to "walk with a purpose?"
Well, today I look like my purpose is to not let a baseball bat slip out of my ass. It's really that bad.

Wedding Countdown: 16 days
Mom and Granny coming (MUST CLEAN): 12 days
Bridal Shower where I will eat massive amounts of falafel (not to be confused with the Bill O'reilley type of falafel): 1 day