Friday, October 20, 2006

Don't listen to her, she's off her meds

I don't know how to start this and realize I may regret even writing about this, not that I've ever been too shy about posting personal information about myself, but some things, I've kept relatively off limits. I know what you're thinking... "what the fuck hasn't this bitch yacked about on this site?" ...but, trust me, there are things.

About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I say diagnosed, but basically my 85 lb. slip-of-a-doctor looked at me sideways and said, "Well, we can just put you on birth control and that regulate your periods." Of course I was too embarrassed, too flummoxed to think to ask her any questions, so I just sat there, nodding at her, holding the gynocologist-designer smock over my nay-nays. "Um, okay."

It had been three years since I'd had a regular period. My cycle was this: no period for three months...MONTH LONG period for three months.....MONTH LONG PERIOD...and so on. I never worried about it, it just meant less periods for meant more making-out time and less buying of tampons and sanitary napkins. Less of my money going to the man. I never thought about it relating to anything or ya know... acting as a sign that my body was a rebellious jerk who like hates me, wants me to be cranky, fat, infertile and have a mustache.

But anyway, according to Doctorexia...birth control would be the answer to all my problems. So, I took it and despite gaining more weight, she was right. My moods regulated as did the old menstrual cycle (ewwww) and the mustache...well, it went away too. Birth control was like prozac for me, literally. For most of my teenage/adult life I had suffered from almost uncontrollable, shaking-with-rage fits of depression and now I knew why; I was broken... see, all of that obsessive, irrational behavior?... that wasn't my fault... it was my hormones...all that stuff was their fault. Awesome. Thanks hormones.

Over the years I've depended on "my medicines" (Orthocept be thy name) to make everything work. I never really thought about the fact that it wasn't really "fixing" me...just masking the shit that was wrong, but masking the problem can only be temporary, well, only temporary for a 32 year old woman who may want to try to have a kid.

Which brings me to now. I want a kid, you guys. I want a kid a lot and you have no idea how fucking hard it was for me to write even admit it. But, that more birth control, which means... well, it means a series of uncertainties.... I've scheduled an appointment with a different doctor, who I'm hoping will have a clue.

Here goes nothing.

P.S. Blogger's dictionary doesn't recognize the word, "tampons," wtf?


Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed the part that said "...cranky, infertile and have a mustache". It was tre' funny.

Viva la baby!

- Tawnya

Lisa said...

I've been looking for you..reading your funny ass writing and ran across this blog. Please please please try a product that has Natural Progesterone in it. Try Pro-Gest. I have a book I'd like to get to you (a small pamphlet) if you want it. I got it from wild oats a health food store here. It's not synthetic. It's formulated from a plant source and can help with this issue. I'm not talking about products that have "wild yam" in them..although that may be one of the ingredients. Try to get a brand that doesn't have wild yam. That's for when you're older or closer to menopause and need extra estrogen. It is a precursor to Estrogen, testosterone and cortisone and aids in promoting and sustaining pregnancy. It is not standard medicine and any lame ass conventional doctor will discredit it. but look on the web, there have been studies done by doctors who were desperate, initially, to help their menopausal patients. (I'm not saying your menopausal)...I'm saying this syndrome that you have is a result of being hormonally imbalanced but the solution is in natural progesterone and it raising your progesterone level without raising any of the hormones it's a precursor for. THAT's the magic. Birth control pills are poison!!!! I will send you a link of a study done on a person with your issue! Your same age!!!
I'm your friend from myspace:lisa. I had to create a blogger account to leave you this message!

Lisa said...

I was talking about Natural progesterone when I said this:
It is a precursor to Estrogen, testosterone and cortisone and aids in promoting and sustaining pregnancy

Lisa said... Is just one of a billion sites on this.

May peace be yours. I know your pain. I know people here at work that have the same issue but if some lame ass conventional doctor doesn't write it in blood some people don't go for alternative methods. Please read and then go for it. You will be better. You will start to feel your body heal without the poison of synthetic hormones!