Don't listen to her, she's off her meds

I don't know how to start this and realize I may regret even writing about this, not that I've ever been too shy about posting personal information about myself, but some things, I've kept relatively off limits. I know what you're thinking... "what the fuck hasn't this bitch yacked about on this site?" ...but, trust me, there are things.

About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I say diagnosed, but basically my 85 lb. slip-of-a-doctor looked at me sideways and said, "Well, we can just put you on birth control and that should...um...er... regulate your periods." Of course I was too embarrassed, too flummoxed to think to ask her any questions, so I just sat there, nodding at her, holding the gynocologist-designer smock over my nay-nays. "Um, okay."

It had been three years since I'd had a regular period. My cycle was this: no period for three months...MONTH LONG PERIOD.....no period for three months.....MONTH LONG PERIOD...and so on. I never worried about it, it just meant less periods for me...it meant more making-out time and less buying of tampons and sanitary napkins. Less of my money going to the man. I never thought about it relating to anything or ya know... acting as a sign that my body was a rebellious jerk who like hates me, wants me to be cranky, fat, infertile and have a mustache.

But anyway, according to Doctorexia...birth control would be the answer to all my problems. So, I took it and despite gaining more weight, she was right. My moods regulated as did the old menstrual cycle (ewwww) and the mustache...well, it went away too. Birth control was like prozac for me, literally. For most of my teenage/adult life I had suffered from almost uncontrollable, shaking-with-rage fits of depression and now I knew why; I was broken... see, all of that obsessive, irrational behavior?... that wasn't my fault... it was my hormones...all that stuff was their fault. Awesome. Thanks hormones.

Over the years I've depended on "my medicines" (Orthocept be thy name) to make everything work. I never really thought about the fact that it wasn't really "fixing" me...just masking the shit that was wrong, but masking the problem can only be temporary, well, only temporary for a 32 year old woman who may want to try to have a kid.

Which brings me to now. I want a kid, you guys. I want a kid a lot and you have no idea how fucking hard it was for me to write that...to even admit it. But, that means...no more birth control, which means... well, it means a series of uncertainties.... I've scheduled an appointment with a different doctor, who I'm hoping will have a clue.

Here goes nothing.

P.S. Blogger's dictionary doesn't recognize the word, "tampons," wtf?