Thursday, August 24, 2006

Project Runway - Last night's episode was so painfully hard to watch and I don't care how much I like his neck tattoo, Jeffrey is an asshole

So the set up is this:
The models/ clients for this week's challenge (remember that word because it will be important later) are the designer's mothers and a few of their sisters. When the moms start walking down the runway, with their imperfect bodies I knew instantly that this challenge would a.) be difficult for designers used to making clothes for bones and b.) tell us exactly who the assholes are. I was right on both counts.

Each designer has to pick another designer's ma' or sis...(This is going to bring the pain, isn't it?) The pairings are fine at first, some of the designers even seem excited. Then...the one pairing we hoped wouldn't happen, happens.
Jeffrey is the last designer to get plucked from Heidi Klum's velvet bag of evil and he's left with...Angela's mom.
Here's all the back story you need to know; Jeffrey fucking HATES Angela and Jeffrey, for the better part of the season has been teetering on the dick pole.

In the beginning of the season, we had Keith Michael as the resident cocky douchebag asshole (albeit, a talented douchebag asshole) who thinks his designs are the best in the world and everyone else in the competition should just go home and eat some girl-pie. But, when Keith was kicked off the show, it was like Jeffrey's head sprouted right out of his asshole.
The thing is, I liked Jeffrey. I liked his stupid neck tattoo and the fact that he slightly resembles my favorite Scientologist, Jason Dohring (A.K.A. Logan Echolls of tv's Veronica Mars). I liked that he was punk rock and enjoyed putting Michael Kors' panties in a wad with his ugly-is-the-new-pretty aesthetic. I didn't even mind the fact that very few of his designs have actually delivered anything new and/or interesting. I didn't mind that he was snotty to Angela...and I even overlooked his "one word....femi-nazi" comment about her...but, I shouldn't have. No one should ever overlook it when someone looks "punk rock," but quotes Rush Limbaugh. One should always pay close attention to that, because that my friends, is the sign of a big, fucking fake.

So, okay... Jeffrey begins consulting with Angela's mom, who is about as cute as a button. She's sweet, soft-spoken and at first very eager to work with Jeffrey. Jeffrey has a shitty attitude from the beginning because like the thought of designing clothes for a "real woman" makes his art-skin crawl.

Like, Van Gogh never had to paint on a fat woman's I right?

He instantly begins making her feel like shit, (UPDATE: According to Tim Gunn's blog, Jeffrey had padded his dress form with toilet paper and duct tape until it in the words of Tim, "looked like a hippopotamus," which Jeffrey has sitting there in her face, once again...what a deplorable ass) acting flustered, like he has no fucking idea what to do with her huge blubbery flustered and put out that she actually says, "Oh, I feel really bad, like I'm holding you back."

At Mood, picking fabric Jeffrey decides, because he's never been able to keep his eyes on a fat woman very long, that periwinkle would be an awesome color to tent one in...despite the fact that the chubby woman he's designing for said she really liked dark purple and green...but, for some reason neither of these colors are like, cool right now to Jeff.

So, back at Parsons while Jeffrey is off in another room bitching and commiserating with another designer about how hard it is to design for such whale "I just don't know how to work with these proportions," (um, you guys...that's why is called a fucking "challenge") Tim Gunn asks Angela's mom (who's name is Darlene just like my mom, so you can bet I already love this woman) what she thinks of Jeffrey's design. She hesitates and waffles until Tim is like, "Tell me what you really think," but even then just says, "Well, I'm not sure about the's a bit matronly." It's right about this point that Jeffrey walks up and acts like Darlene just told Tim that his punk band reminds her of Ashlee Simpson (which it probably would).

I really wish I were making up what a cunt this guy is, but he really proceeds in telling this poor, nice woman that he "doesn't even appreciate her being at [his] table right now" and like, "if she can't deal, because of her own insecurities, well that's not [his] problem."
Darlene finally breaks down and cries in another room with her daughter.

And all of this while his own mother is in the same room. But she's not too worried, she's just happy that her little darling is off the crack-rock or whatever, I don't even fucking care.
He completes the outfit, continuing to bitch and moan about how she was "talking shit" about him to Tim so she deserved his treatment.... even saying this to Angela, who I've lost all respect for at this point because if that ass-clown made my mother cry, you can fucking bet he'd be huddled in a corner somewhere clutching the bloody mess where his balls used to be.

In the end, the best this "genius" designer can come up with is a shiny, strechy, floor-length box dress with some sort of vest. I shit you not, it looks like a Dom Deluise Mu-mu. It looks like Marlon Brando's outfit in the Island of Dr. Moreau. It looks fucking ridiculous and Angela herself sums it up best during judging, "It's not flattering at all. It's embarrassing."
So Jeffrey's a hack and an asshole.


Anonymous said...

i would like to say that this blog entry made me want to watch project runway despite the fact that i don't know/care much about fashion and don't like much reality tv. way to go! you won me over! did you tape it???

- tawnya

Anonymous said...

Loved your recap. Very clever.