Thursday, April 20, 2006

She dropped it ! (Yes, I'm piping in much after the fact)

I've been scolded for not announcing the "arrival" of Suri Cruise yet...and I must say I'm even slightly disappointed with myself. Let's just say, I had the back-from-vacation "blahs" yesterday and leave it at that.
Suri (what an odd name for a basketball), after gestating in her mother's womb for somewhere around 13 months was born on the same day, in the same hospital as her father's arch nemesis, Brooke Shield's actual baby. What a coinky-dink.
Now, whatever will become of poor Katie? We know that she won't be marrying Tom Cruise because, well, he's gay for one and for two he's Captain Batshit. It's hard to believe he ever had any real romantic intentions toward her, other than to incubate his frozen L. Ron spawn, which is well, really the most romantic gesture there to eating Suri's placenta, of course. So what will he do with her? Will she get hit by a car? Die in a plane crash? I mean, there's just no way OTIII-TC is going to let her have anything to do with raising this kid. She might suppress it or something. We already know that before it was born, he was trying to arrange full legal custody of the "child." How much fucking creepier can this guy get?
So, yeah... Katie dropped the ball and the thousand year war may have just begun.
In honor of this occasion I've decided to share some of the lyrics to a new Chubby Bunny song.
Kate Cruise Control
Everything means nothing to me/ flipping channels on the t.v./ Read a magazine at the mall/
Katie Holmes is having a basket ball

Space flight in an aeroplane/ there's a Battlefield going on in your brain/ When your life seems totally lame/ it's them not you that's gone insane

Suppressive people all around/ They cut your sex scene completely out/ Pop culture has never been so devout/ Fall down/ You're falling down

Rosemary Red Rosemary blue/ Katie! Katie what's come over you?/ "He's the most amazing man"/ He's your Captain batshit with a masterplan

That's all's I've got so far. I'll let you hear it when we're done.


Anonymous said...

These lyrics are so stunning. I'm in complete awe of your total awesomeness.

Anonymous said...

this post made me laugh very much and i am so happy i read it. viva la tomkat!

- tawnya

Anonymous said...

Sorry I scolded... It was well worth the wait to hear what you had to say on the subject. The lyrics, yowzers... I'm gonna have to fly to Salt lake to see the Chubby Bunny show that premiers that song!!!